Maybe I had my blinders on before, but lately it seems like I’m constantly bombarded with the reminder, “the time will pass anyway.” Usually, it is an inspirational quote designed to encourage gym time or taking up a new hobby or enrolling in a continuing education class, but regardless, the message is the same– life goes on, don’t wait for tomorrow to start something new, begin today.
I have a particularly hard time with this. Like many, I am a procrastinator. Why do today what you can do tomorrow. I love a deadline. I love that “crunch time” feeling. My college GPA would suggest that crunch time doesn’t love me, but who am I to argue. Point is, for the last 16 years, I’ve been negotiating with myself about kicking bulimia to the curb. “Just this one last time” … “Tomorrow is a new day” … “Tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of my life” … “Today was just so stressful” It’s amazing how the excuses add up, and how willing I am to let myself slack off. But here I am, so many tomorrows later, and still promising myself that tomorrow will be the first day in a bulimia-free life.
But the time will pass anyway. I can’t get this out of my head. For example, it seems like yesterday that I started a new job. It’s been two years. Looking back, I can see how much I’ve learned. I see how far I’ve come in understanding this new (to me) industry. I’m really proud of myself. The time passed anyway and I took advantage of it, making note of how and why we do things. My peers respect my hard work and how I conduct myself. I’m confident in my work product. The time passed anyway, and I made the most of it.
Bulimia recovery is not easy. It’s not as simple as not purging. It’s doing the hard work of understanding what led to your struggle. I’ve worked with a counselor to understand how my choices and relationships reflect themselves in my disordered eating habits. The time passed anyway, and I spent time with a counselor to better my future. I choose to stay in the moment, accepting who I am right now, and creating a vision for where I am going. It’s not pressing the pause button and waiting to start tomorrow. But enjoying the now. And being grateful of how each moment adds up to me being a person of whom I am very proud. The time will pass anyway…