Just a quick update here. I am currently on day 6 in a string of good days. To be honest, I’ve been down and out with a cold/flu since Wednesday, but I’ll take a winning streak however I can get it. It’s funny the promises we make to ourselves when we are at our lowest. Lying in bed over the weekend, I promised myself that I would never purge again if I could just get well. And then I realized how I take my good health for granted and abuse the luxury with my reckless B/P episodes– I am grateful to be (almost) 32, full of life, and with family and friends that support my wellness.
Over the past year or so, I’ve kept a gratitude journal. Little snippets out of every day for which I am grateful. The funny thing is, I become grateful for even the smallest of things when I am in the habit of staying present and keeping my eyes open to the life around me. The gratitude list goes from the really big things (health, stability, etc.) to the most minute things (dinner with a friend, coffee in the morning, fortunes in the fortune cookies) when I am tuned in to how beautiful life can be.
I think this ties in to my recovery in some way. Understanding that each moment is a gift and to not waste my precious, one shot at this life on others’ expectations or stripping away my value because of the way I look. Using each encounter with another human as a chance to see the world through their lens and to grow a little further in my own journey. Perfection will never happen. What does ‘perfect’ even mean? And what a waste if I’ve poured out my real self only to leave behind my false self. Here’s to be grateful for and embracing reality.